"T-shirt or not, that girl has the body to look good in anything. Is it me or does that shirt make her boobs look fat?" -Jeff Sams, father of Alexis Vain talking about his daughter

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Drinking and Sneezing May Be Hazardous to Your Wealth
by Alexis Vain
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April Johnson agrees her absentmindedness has probably cost her a cherished friend. She hotly disputes, however, the notion that her momentary lapse is worth $1.5 million.

One and a half million dollars is the amount Vicky Lee Snyder is suing Johnson for over the condition of a T-shirt. The two women are in a legal battle with roots that trace back to a 1982 rock concert.

"I've known Vicky since we were both 15," Johnson said. "We went to school together, partied together and even held each other's hair back while we puked. She knows the type of person I am and that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her."

According to a lawsuit filed on behalf of Snyder, Johnson is responsible for damages to a T-shirt signed by legendary rocker Johnnie Youngblood. The lawsuit claims malice and willful intent by Johnson.

"I have allergies and I acknowledge that I forgot to take my medication on the day in question," says Johnson, "but she says I purposely sneezed on her T-shirt. It's absurd. This is a case about an autographed T-shirt supposedly ruined by a sneeze. Please."

Johnson says the trouble began when she had lunch with Snyder at her residence last month. Looking at old photographs, the two began reminiscing about the past and a 1982 Youngblood concert they attended as teens.

Johnson said she began to sneeze uncontrollably after Snyder dug out a T-shirt Youngblood signed backstage for the youngster some 27 years ago. Her outbursts were so severe that they knocked the T-shirt right out of Snyder's hands.

"We were having wine with lunch, so I didn't want to mix my medication with alcohol," Johnson said. "I should have taken my allergy pills about an hour before lunch but I forgot and it was too late after we started drinking. I feel bad but I really believe the dust from that old T-shirt triggered a reaction."

Snyder's reaction, on the other hand, was complete hysteria.

Johnson said Snyder looked at the soiled T-shirt on the floor and began crying worse than a star struck girl at a concert. She then accused her friend of deliberately damaging the T-shirt and kicked a still sneezing Johnson out of her house. The two have not spoken since.

Snyder was unavailable for comment but issued a statement through her attorneys.

"The ink on the autograph began to streak after April soiled it and a mark from her outbreak still remains. The garment can not be laundered out of fear for further damage. It is my contention that April spitefully harmed my property over petty jealousy. She made no effort to turn her head or cover her nose and as a result this rare and valuable artifact has been permanently defaced."

Johnson says she would like to resolve her differences with Snyder but hasn't ruled out filing a countersuit citing defamation and negligence by Snyder

"She knew I was allergic to dust and she flapped that T-shirt right in front of my face," Johnson said. "It was all so sudden that I never had a chance to react. I love April and for as long as I've known her we've always been willing to give each other the shirts off of our backs. Obviously this is one T-shirt she can't bare to lose."

As for Youngblood?

Reps said the rocker was involved in a similar case some 15 years ago and as a result he no longer autographs T-shirts. He instead requires all females to lift up their shirts so he can sign their breasts. He declined further comment.